Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
