i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
