Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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