please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
