I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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