im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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