I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
