So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
