I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
