Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
