and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
