Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
