First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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