just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
