so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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