maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
