I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
