I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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