There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
