I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
