so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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