She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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