I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i have two assholes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
