Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
