end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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