Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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