dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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