they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
