You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
