My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
