At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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