glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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