I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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