i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
