On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
