I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
