East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
