dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
