I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there was a trapeze. enough said
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
