If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
