Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
