Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
