I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
