How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
