Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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