Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
