Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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