his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
