My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
