My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
