I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
