do herpes really smell.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
