OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
